Christmas Day 2016. I'd never imagined that I'd be spending it like this, alone in a hospital room miles away from family and friends. This is just a reminder to be careful what you wish for.
Be careful what you dream of.
Be careful what you allow your mind to focus on.
Admittedly for whatever reason, somewhere around October 2016 my curiosity peaked around the idea of Christmas alone in New York City. It began to seem kind of romantic and magical. Like the world of a classic film.
Alone in an empty city.
Everyone is away.
Only strangers pass you on lonely sidewalks with the songs of Christmas bells in their hearts. The idea of empty restaurants and bars.
No phone ringing.
Only time to reside inside of your own mind preparing to ring in the New Year.
Well, certainly that all sounded fantastic and magical. But, it's also something that my husband would not be fond of. If I wasn't going to travel to Williamsburg on a crowded train filled with anxious travelers, then I'd have to be on a crowded train to Maryland to spend it with him and my mother in law. He absolutely hates the idea of me spending a holiday alone and can't stand the idea of it seeming like an ultimate sadness. But, I'm curious about the nostalgia of it all.
Well, that's where my mind was and somehow God translated it to this. Me alone in a hospital bed far away from everyone. The lord works in mysterious ways. When he wants you to slow down he really knows how to pick em.
Do you suppose he could have just sent me a txt message with a warning first?
"sit your ass down!"
"Take sometime for yourself!"
"Stop scheduling one thing after the other, just because you can do many things it doesn't mean you have to do them all at once!"
"Take a long break or I'm gonna do something you'll regret!"
I would have listened to all those things. A txt from God saying, "yo, you trippin, chill bitch!"
Yeah, I suppose it's important for me to honor both sides of my personality which is, I love being surrounded by people/I'm an on stage people pleaser. I'm also a loner, sitting in a dark corner with sharpies, crayons and snickers bars. That's the balance of my Leo and Scorpio energy. Sun shine paired with the depths of the darkest ocean.
This is why Manchild and I balance each other out so well. He is the positive light between the two of us and it's reflected in his songwriting/personality. I tend to lean toward the melancholy and dark. But yet we are still cosmic twins riding on the same vibration.
I pull out my phone and begin to compose a track using the A-flat to B-sharp. Thank god for modern day conveniences.